I’ve been down some holes before: PTSD, anxiety, depression, and times when my own brain convinced me that things were hopeless and would never get better. If I’m completely truthful, there were also times when it was fear rather than hope that kept me here. With the right support I escaped my holes. I’m very glad I did.

Over the years, I’ve sat beside people who felt there was no way out except out. I would never claim to completely understand what another person is feeling. However similar our experiences might seem from the outside, only the person living those feelings truly knows what they are like. But I do understand something about what it’s like when your own mind starts lying to you: when it tells you that nothing will change, that you’re trapped, that people would be better off without you, or that the darkness you’re standing in is all there is and all there ever will be.

Those thoughts can feel absolutely true, but they aren’t.

I sometimes wonder whether one of the things we can do with the darker parts of our own stories is use them to help somebody else find their way through theirs. Not because suffering is somehow necessary, or because terrible things happen to us so that we can learn a lesson, but because, having found our way through some dark places, perhaps we can sit beside someone else without being frightened by the darkness, and maybe even bring a little light.

We don’t have to have all the answers, and we don’t have to fix everything. Sometimes we can simply stay: stay for the conversation, stay through the silence, and stay when somebody tells us something difficult. We can stay long enough to remind them that feelings change, circumstances change, help exists, and a mind in pain is not always a reliable narrator.

If you are the person in the hole at the moment, please tell somebody. You don’t have to see the whole way out yet. Sometimes you just need someone willing to climb down, sit beside you, and help you find the first step back towards the daylight.

If you need someone to talk to:

Samaritans — 116 123
Free, 24 hours a day.

CALM — 0800 58 58 58
5pm–midnight every day.

PAPYRUS HopeLine 24/7 — 0300 102 2470
Text HOPE to 88247.

If you or someone else is in immediate danger, call 999 or go to A&E.